


burn my dreams away

by flooded_in_the_sky



Series: i want the flame but not the burning [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon-Typical Violence, Force-Sensitive Finn (Star Wars), M/M, Pining, Pre-Relationship, basically i thought to myself what would happen if i changed this One Thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-05
Updated: 2020-01-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:02:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22124533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flooded_in_the_sky/pseuds/flooded_in_the_sky
Summary: Instead of staying behind, Poe goes with Finn and Jannah after Rey.
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Finn
Series: i want the flame but not the burning [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1603390
Comments: 11
Kudos: 141





	burn my dreams away

“What the hell was she thinking?” Poe started back down the hill towards the Falcon, too on edge to make himself do anything else.

“Poe, we gotta go after her!”   
“Get the Falcon fixed and we’ll get out there as fast as we can.”

“No, we’ll lose her,” Finn said, and Poe turned around to face him.

“Look, she left us! What do you want to do, swim?”

“She’s not herself, you have no idea what she’s fighting.”

“And you do?”

Only a second passed before Finn replied, but it felt like far longer when he finally said, “Yeah, I do. And so does Leia.” 

“Well, I’m not Leia,” Poe said tightly.

“That’s for damn sure,” Finn snapped back, and Poe felt like he’d been slapped.

They’d argued before in words spat out from places haunted by fear and desperation, in bitter exchanges that left them both feeling cold inside. This should have been no different. And it wasn’t, really. Except for what was at the center of it all. Rey.

When they’d first met, he wasn’t sure what to expect. All he knew of her was Finn’s constant and seemingly unfounded concern for her safety, something that would spark the smallest feeling in his chest before he smothered it, and that she was the one who’d convinced Skywalker to help the Resistance. Naturally, he’d learned some respect for her. And after getting to know her, he would be a fool to do otherwise. Rey was strong and smart and quick on her feet, all things that normally would’ve made him like her more. There was, however, one block he couldn’t break through, one fear that he couldn’t shake.

The first time Poe watched her train, saw her use the Force, he was petrified. Of course he was; the last person he knew of who used the Force had turned his own thoughts against the Resistance and put everything they’d worked for in jeopardy. In the back of his mind Poe knew he’d seen Leia use it too, use it to bust down doors during a mutiny of his making and to save her own life, but she was separate from them. She was his general and stand-in parent first, Force user second. There was a division. And she wasn’t nearly as strong or as terrifying as her son or as Rey. Rey, who’d tried to pull a transport out of the sky with her bare hands and ended up blasting it to bits. Rey, who had an understandable yet deeply personal grudge match with Ren. A grudge match that happened to hold the fate of the galaxy in its tense embrace, and Poe didn’t need to feel the Force to know that it was coming to a head as he stood on the misty cliff watching Finn and Jannah stare out at the ruins of the Death Star.

“Finn,” he heard Jannah say, “there’s another skimmer.”

“Wait.” 

Both turn to face Poe, as if they’d forgotten he was there.

“Aren’t you going to fix the Falcon?” Finn asked, with just a hint of sourness in his voice.

“Chewie can handle it. Let me come with you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Never surer.”

For a split second, a smile ghosted over Finn’s face, and Poe knew he’d done the right thing.

* * *

  
  


The skimmer was definitely not meant for three people, maybe not even two, but that didn’t seem to matter to Jannah as she pushed through the waves, slowly inching closer to the wreckage. Finn and Poe figured out quickly that they were better off staying out of her way, and that one couldn’t carry on a conversation due to the sheer noise of the waves. They’d sounded loud from the cliff, like ships taking off from the other side of the base. Up close, though, it was the loudest thing either had ever heard. 

The rain had started as a trickle, but was pouring relentlessly as they drew closer. Poe was soaked to the bone and freezing, and firmly believed that this couldn’t really get worse unless they were thrown overboard. It was then, of course, that a TIE fighter came screaming across the sky. Finn watched it fly until it landed on one of the flatter parts of the wreck, and he swore before standing up and heading for Jannah. Poe couldn’t make out what they were saying, and he was no lip reader, but it wasn’t good. 

“What’s wrong?” he shouted over the waves as Finn sat down.

“Ren’s here.”

“Shit. We’re going as fast as we can, right?”

“Jannah said we shouldn’t be out here too much longer.” Finn looked him over for a moment. “Are you shivering?”

“Little bit. I’ll survive. We just-” Poe stopped himself as Finn slid off his jacket and draped it around his shoulders. “You don’t need to do that.”

“I’ll survive,” Finn said, and there was that feeling again, the spark that needed to be choked out before it could grow into a real fire, because a fire wouldn’t last in a raging ocean like this, no matter how big it got. This wasn’t the place or the time, Poe knew. Maybe after Rey found the Wayfinder and Ren left them alone for once in his life, it would be the time. 

The rain tapered off as Jannah steered them into the Death Star. The roaring din of the outside world was replaced with the echoes of waves that crashed onto the wreckage, drowning any sound the ghosts that surely haunted this place could make but quiet enough that Poe could hear himself think. 

“She’s up there,” Finn said, pointing to the hallway entrance nearly fifty feet above the water level. His certainty hit Poe with all the force of the waves they’d so desperately avoided.

“How do you know?

“A feeling.”

“That’s it?” he asked, and Finn nodded in confirmation.

Poe had considered it before, the idea that Finn could use the Force like Rey or Leia. But he’d always pushed it out of his head as soon as it appeared, because that meant something Poe didn’t even want to think about. It meant Finn could do the same thing Ren had done to him cycles ago, though he never would. It meant one of his worst dreams, one that hadn’t even happened yet, was still a possibility.

He knew the scenario like the back of his hand. Finn would tell Rey, they would leave for some distant planet to train and probably fall in love, and Poe would be nothing more than a memory. If Finn was happy, then Poe figured he really didn’t have any business being upset, but it hurt sometimes when he let himself get in too deep.

“The other skimmer’s up ahead,” Jannah called back, and sure enough, it was beached on the wreck close to the pillar in front of the gaping hole Finn had pointed out.

“What are we gonna do, climb up?” Poe asked, and as soon as he spoke he knew it was the dumbest question he would ever ask.

“That depends. You afraid of heights?” Jannah asked with a grim smile.

As soon as Jannah tied down the skimmer, Finn scrambled off, nearly falling into the water in the process. Poe pulled on Finn’s jacket and followed, albeit slower. 

“We need to move, fast. What’s the quickest way up?”

“Slow down,” Jannah said placatingly. “It’ll take some time. I’m not sure how stable this thing is. But it can’t be in worse shape than the rest of this place.” Jannah looked around the base for a moment and then grabbed ahold of a dent in the surface, and pulled herself up on another.

“Have you done this before?” Poe asked.

“Not here, but other parts, and when it’s not wet and slippery,” Jannah said, catching herself. “I’ll go up last, just give me a second to get down. You two go up first.” She carefully picked her way down and landed with a soft thud on the metal plating. “Well?”

“I’ll go.” Finn stepped towards the base of the pillar and followed the trail that Jannah had taken. She guided him up until she couldn’t see the sides anymore, and she and Poe flinched every time he slipped or lost his grip, until Finn pulled himself up onto the top.

“Your turn,” Jannah said, gesturing to the starting point. Poe took hold and began the slow ascent, becoming increasingly aware with every grab that his arm wasn’t healed at all. Halfway through it burned like hell, and Poe was sure this whole thing was some kind of nightmare. As Jannah stopped telling him where to go, Finn picked up, pointing out areas that he’d used or places that looked unstable. Eventually Poe made it to the top and all but threw himself over the edge of the pillar before laying there and breathing hard for a moment.

“Are you good?” Finn asked, offering a hand, and Poe inhaled sharply as he took it. 

“Yeah, just my arm.”

“Did you make it worse?” Finn pushed the jacket sleeve up Poe’s arm to find fresh blood seeping through the gauze. “Oh, shit, Poe, it’s bleeding again.” 

“It’s fine. It’s still covered, at least.”

“As soon as we get back to the Falcon, I’m checking that out,” Finn said firmly, and Poe was wondering what would happen if he, for once, didn’t stomp out the sparks in his chest. Jannah picked her way up faster than either of them had, gracefully pulling herself up onto the top and sucking in a breath when she saw what came next.

“That’s a hell of a jump. It looks worse from up here, it has to.”

“I’ll go first.”

“Poe, watch your arm, don’t be stupid,” Finn warned.

“Do you see who you’re talking to? I’m never stupid.” Poe walked to the back edge of the pillar which, to be fair, wasn’t very far, and then took a running start before leaping off the pillar and landing squarely in the hallway.

“See? No stupid here!” he yelled across.

“That’s debatable!” Finn yelled back, and Poe laughed in spite of himself, in spite of the fire burning in his chest and in his arm. 

Finn came over next, and Poe was ready at the edge in case he slipped. The only thing worse than watching him fall off that pillar, Poe supposed, would have been watching him fall here. Finn landed safely and Poe shook his head to get rid of the thought that he wouldn’t. Jannah, again, did far better than either of them, ducking into a roll instead of landing awkwardly on a foot or knee.

“You two are lucky your bones aren’t shattered,” she remarked as she stood up.

“We tend to be lucky that way,” Poe replied. “Where to now? Kinda want to leave all these old stormtrooper helmets.”

“Here.” Finn ducked into the first entrance on the right, and it led to a room with gaping holes in the ceiling. A door to the left was open, and Poe stomach sank as he noticed the smashed glass and metal on the ground.

“Is this what I think it is?” 

“Don’t tell me that’s the Wayfinder,” Finn murmured, as Jannah peered over his shoulder.

“That’s the thing she came looking for, right? So where is she now, if this thing’s gone?”

Poe looked out the hole in the wall to the ledge that laid in the sea and saw flashes of light. “There.”

“Come on.” Finn took off running for the fight, and Poe and Jannah looked at each other before realizing they had no real choice and followed.

Rey and Ren were at the edge of the part of the wreck they were standing on, fighting the hardest they ever had.

“Rey!” Finn shouted, and nobody could tell whether she’d heard him. He called again, and started running for them as a wave easily twice the size of any they’d seen so far came rushing towards him, and Poe remembered why he didn’t leave the spark. It was like everything was unfolding in slow motion as Rey turned to see Finn and threw him backward without a second thought, sending him flying back into the metal.

“Shit,” Poe swore as he and Jannah ran to help him up, but Finn wasn’t focused on what had just happened. He still had eyes only for Rey as she leaped across the water to the other ledge and Ren followed into the impenetrable mist.

“Are you okay?” Jannah asked. “Can you stand?” 

“I’m fine, I need to get over there,” Finn breathed, trying to push past them. Poe grabbed his shoulder, and Finn shook him off.

“Finn, listen to me.” Poe took hold of both of Finn’s shoulders, turning him around. “Listen. This is her fight, pal. You can’t help her, no matter how much you want to, okay? He almost killed you.”

Finn didn’t speak for a moment, and Poe knew the fire was raging at the worst possible time. “That was before.”

“Time isn’t gonna make a difference. Not here. And I know how it feels, trust me. I know what it’s like to be on the outside and watching somebody you love fight like hell, wanting so badly to take it into your own hands, but you  _ can’t. _ You have to trust them. Let them do it themselves.” He paused for a moment, head spinning. “She’s the best of all of us. If anybody can handle him, it’s Rey. You know that, I know that. Hell, everyone at base knows. You can’t help her here. I’m sorry.”

As if all the fight had been knocked out of him, Finn visibly deflated and shakily sat down. The rain kept pouring and they still couldn’t see across, not even a flash of lightsaber, and hearing anything was out of the question. At some point, Finn had taken ahold of Poe’s hand, shaking. 

“Something happened. We need to leave.” Finn rushed to stand up and Poe followed suit.

“What do you mean, buddy?”

“I mean something happened at base and it’s not good, and we need to get her back  _ right now _ .”

Poe didn’t say anything in reply, only squeezed his hand tight as he spoke.

“I’ll comm Chewie and he’ll come find us.” Poe disentangled his hand from Finn’s with a tinge of regret and switched on his wrist comm. “Is the Falcon fixed? We need to get out of here fast.”

Chewie roared back in reply as the TIE fighter screeched to life from some unseen place. Finn watched it leave with wide eyes.

“She left. In there. He wasn’t with her.”

“You’re sure?”

“I could feel it. I don’t know where she was going.”

“Wait, what do you mean, you had help?” Poe said into his comm, but it fizzled out as the reply came through. “Nice. That’s really-yeah.” 

“Guys.” Jannah nodded towards a light zooming towards them. As it got closer, the outline of the Falcon became visible in the rain. Once it was closer, the entry deck opened and Chewie roared at them before disappearing inside.

“He said the rest of your squadron was in there. They helped him fix the ship,” Poe said.

“Well, I guess that means I’m hitching a ride with you, then,” Jannah replied.

“Sounds good to us.”

* * *

Poe was used to two other people flying with him, tops, so Jannah’s crew of at least fifteen made the Millenium Falcon feel tight. Once they had some space after taking off, Finn pulled out one of the last medkits and sat Poe down to patch up his arm as he’d promised.

“So what were you going to tell Rey? On Pasaana?”

“Haven’t you figured it out by now? I thought you said you were never stupid,” Finn huffed as he gently pulled at the old gauze. “Can you take your jacket off?” Poe slid it off, not missing a beat.

“Maybe ‘never’ wasn’t the right word. Most of the time I’m not stupid.”

“Well, then, you’ve probably pieced this together.”

“This time, I don’t think so. You’re gonna have to spell it out for me, pal.”

From some petty place inside him, Poe wanted him to say it out loud, wanted Finn to confirm what apparently neither of them wanted to admit. The premonitions, the connection to Rey, the whole thing. Then at least Poe could start to move on and give himself a fighting chance.

But Finn paused for a moment, looking at the wound on Poe’s arm before pulling something out from the medkit. “You said you knew how I felt watching Rey. That you’d done that before. Who was it?”

Poe considered this for a moment. He could either ask what Finn meant and start another argument that would leave them both feeling empty, make some joke about the subject change that certainly wouldn’t land because his head was moving too fast, or stoke the fire and answer honestly. And really, he was already on a roll, on the verge of a blaze that would be nearly impossible to put out while standing on the edge of the reality that could smother it without trying. What did he have to lose?

“It was a long time ago,” he started, and then paused. He could just leave it at that. If he didn’t speak for long enough, Finn wouldn’t press him. He was nice like that. But something in him made him keep going. “Actually, it was you. Right after Starkiller. Nobody knew when you would wake up. After Rey left to find Skywalker, I hung around sometimes, waiting for any change, wanting to reach in and fix the problem somehow. Then the whole evacuation happened, and you woke up. And that was the end of it, I guess. It’s like I said. You have to trust.”

“You have to trust,” Finn echoed as he finished rewrapping Poe’s arm. “You really waited for me?”

“As much as I could,” Poe answered honestly, and maybe he was wrong, before. Maybe an ocean couldn’t take on a raging fire. Certainly not the one he’d started, with the jacket still around his middle and Finn’s hand still on his arm.

* * *

Poe eventually wandered back to the cockpit and sat down. For a moment he didn’t move, only stared at the stars blur in front of him until Chewie growled at him.

“Got shot in the arm today, give me a break. Besides, we’re almost back. I’ll look at it after the debriefing.”

Chewie only grumbled in reply as he pulled the Falcon out of lightspeed and they began the descent to Ajan Kloss.

“Poe? Where should Jannah and the others go?” Finn asked.

“For now, have them wait onboard. We’re gonna have to explain to Leia.”

**Author's Note:**

> hello! this is my first star wars fic so please be gentle, but i watched tros and i had some Thoughts. this is what came from some of them. the title is from reckless love by bleachers. this is my [tumblr](https://ccerebral-thunderr.tumblr.com/) if you want to stop by. thank you for reading!


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